In our modern society, the topic of dating and meeting women is always men's favorite. In any big cities, guys have been trying to get women consistently. Part of the human experience here is how to go out to meet someone you like, or meet as many women as you want. However, this has been struggles for a lot of guys.
There are experts out there that breaks down the process of getting women into phases, such as approaching, building rapport, flirting/teasing, connecting, getting numbers, being on dates and bedding. There are even specific 'areas' where guys think they are stuck, so they seek advice on those specific 'areas', such as what pickup lines to use or how to get her to kiss you on a date etc.. In my opinion, these are making a simple human interaction over-complicated. There is a secret to having success with women, and the secret is not so secret, but it just takes time for guys to realize.
---The secret to be good with women is------
Just to be comfortable with women
It is simple as that. Now imagine, if you see a girl you like but you think she is way out of your league, you are going to be nervous, afraid talking to her. You may start thinking that you need to work on your 'self-confidence' before you go out again, or you may need to memorize some pickup lines first before you approach her. Whatever it is, it is not what it seems. The true is, if you think she is way out of your league, it is because you have not had women like that in your life so your mind has been conditioned to think that she is not for you, as a result you will not be feel comfortable being around her. If this is the case, you are going to be stuck trying to approach her, you are going to be stuck if you are on a date with her, you are going to be stuck if you are talking to her, you are going to be stuck the same way no matter which 'phase' of dating process you are with her. The point is, instead of trying to fix your so-called 'game' in each specific area, why not just focus on the main area, just to be comfortable with women.
If you think most above-average looking women are out of your league, chances are you have very little experience with women you like. A simple way to start your transformation is just by taking actions to talk to them. The reason why not knowing what to say isn't so important is that, you are training yourself to be comfortable with women again, regardless what you are doing with her. This journey is going to be hard and full of setbacks, but there is no other way around it.
---Skill vs Techniques ----
I always look at seduction the same way as learn martial arts or other skills. What you are learning from your teacher are the techniques, which is set of movements or a specific way of handling things. It's a way of doing things that's proven working. Skill on the other hand, is the ability to perform the techniques despite adversity or less than idea situation. You learn techniques by watching DVDs or from teachers, but you develop your skills by applying yourself physically and mentally through challenges and pains. Therefore, pickup lines are techniques while being comfortable with women is ability.
When I was a white belt who just started out Brazilian Jiu-jitsu for just 2 weeks, I thought Jiu-jitsu was the hardest style in the world. I learned a lot of techniques in my class on how to escape mount, how to pass guards, how to do this and that. Yet in sparring sessions, nothing worked against my senior partners. They were too strong, too fast for me. When they got on top of me, I felt their weight crushing onto my chest and I could barely breath, let alone trying to escape. After a while, I would say about 3 to 4 months of rigorous training, I still couldn't beat my senior classmates. I thought I didn't improve at all, but I did.
I gained better skills at handling pressures, I became more comfortable wrestling on the ground. Because of this newly gained ability, my techniques started to work on beginner white belts. I started to tag people out, which I never thought I could before. When a 200 pound dude lays on top of me, I felt I could handle it now, after all I experienced worse before.
--- The way to develop skills is through hard-work and pain ---
Can you develop your language skills just by memorizing words at home?
Can you gain the ability to perform in front of people with ease if you have never done that?
Can you become a great martial artist if you have never fought even once?
The list goes on.
You can explain techniques by breaking the movements down to smaller details, but you can't explain skills. Skills become part of you, it is your ability and you use with without thinking. When I became a blue belt in JiuJitsu, I was becoming better at controlling my opponents with the same techniques I learned as a white belt. I just become better at handling a fully resisting opponent, I become more comfortable with the experience. My body just moves accordingly, there is no way I can explain the difference in terms of movements between white belt and blue belt, it is difference in experience. Yet, I could never have gained the improvement of my ability had I not spent those many hours on the mat with pains and defeats.
--- How to become more comfortable with women ---
To sum up, if you want to be good with women, you have to first be comfortable with them. The only way to do this is by spending more time interacting with them. You will experience failures, pains, rejections, their dramas, but you will gain the ability that enables your success with women.
Forget about learning techniques, you already have enough. You just need some common sense. Imagine you are the white belt and she is the black belt, so of course she is way out of your league based on the level of social ability, you are not going to try any techniques on her, you goal is just to do the best you can to have a conversation, to experience femininity, to take the step towards becoming more comfortable with them. Eventually, you will become a black belt and start to experience success.
Go try out speed dating, have normal conversation with strippers, talk to girls at yoga studio, chat with that cute waitress. Just have fun, get to know a thing or two about them. If you run out of things to say, just be quiet and see what happen. You are not going to think that dating beautiful girl is possible in your life, but when you become comfortable with women, you will think differently.
Go for the experience, not the result.
Until next time