Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Commonality among insecure and not confident characteristics

Insecure and not confident characteristics aren't always obvious and should not be confused with simply being nervous. Nervousness is nothing more than an emotion and we all get that, insecurity and lack of self-confidence however, is a mindset that will manifest in every aspect of your life. Here are some typical characteristic of insecurity.

1. Overreacting to others. This person does not take other's opinion very well and will tend to get defensive or even overreact by turning into an argument. At this moment, this person is no longer listening. The common reason this person acts this way can be because this person perceives other's difference as a challenge to his or her ego and will actively defend it, or this person maybe being deceptive or have agenda that doesn't want others to know, hence will perceive other's difference as a threat of exposing the agenda and will actively convince others to think differently

2. Being overly negatively sensitive to others. This person takes everything way too personally. This person is very good at turning simple everyday occurrence into negativity. If others don't smile at this person, it is a signal of personal rejection; If good things happen to others around, this person gets jealous and will feel bitter about it. The reason this person is so negatively sensitive about others is possibly that this person doesn't think very highly of himself or herself, so this person is looking externally for validation and if that validation can't be found, it will be turned into invalidation and thus become personal

3. Being too calculating. This person values dollars more than anything else, including the relationship with you. You will be surprised to see a lot of people that have decent earnings are still very calculating when it comes to money. I come across with a lot of these type of people in real estate as clients. They will go through everything and find flaws about the property and your service and request for less commissions or more rebates, which in many cases are no more than just a few hundred bucks, even if it means they will rather lose this great deal and when it does, they almost always will regret after a few years when they see that property appreciates $100K. This type of people will spend countless hours doing their own complicated personal income tax filing on their own instead of saving those time to let CPA do it for them because it costs too much. These type of people will always tell you about great startup ideas and great success stories, but when it comes to actually doing it, they WILL NOT invest a penny. These type of people are normally making decent enough money doing what they don't love while being scared to lose everything, they don't believe in themselves and will rather take all the bullshit from work just to keep the job security. Bottom-line, this person will not rock the boat and stand up for themselves or others unless everything is free.

4. The obvious fashion maniac. These people are very common, they earn $4000 per month and will spend $5000 per month on the latest fashion, cars and makeups. They have no personal interests other than taking cool selfies and posing for the camera at nightclubs. They are superficial and boring that they almost have nothing interesting to talk about rather than celebrity gossips and other incomplete anecdotes. The reason why these type of people are insecure is obvious. They don't know their self-worth and therefore are only relying on looks and material possessions to gain admiration or just simple acceptance from others.  

5. The people that are trying too hard to alter their physical attributes, cultural backgrounds or social status. These type of people can be spending a lot of money on penis enlargement products or boob jobs. Or this person can be denying his or her own cultural heritage by being self-racist. There is a sizable portion of the Asian populations that are typical of being self-racist. Or this person can be seen in every local events shaking hands with local celebrities and want to be seen by others doing so just to project the false image of being part of a socially exclusive club. Again, these type of people are basing their confidence on the external reactions.

6. Haters. For obvious reasons, these people rather spend time hating on others than to do something for themselves. The above-mentioned 1, 2 type can easily fall into hater category, except that haters get their confidence by putting other's down. Again, this is a very external source of confidence, which is false confidence. 

7. The people that demands immediate returns on everything they invest or offer. This person has similar mentality as number 3. If this person invest 5 dollars, he or she needs to see return immediately. This person doesn't understand that in order to harvest fruits, you have to plant seeds and irrigate your plants for months if not years first. In other words, if you want the glory, you need to put in your work. This type of people will take Karate lessons and quit after 2 months because they are still whitebelts; they will quit doing their projects after a few weeks because it is not making money; they will only offer to buy you a lunch if they think you will promise to offer them a job at the end of the lunch; they will buy women flowers only if they think they will get laid on the same date. The list goes on and on. Again, this person values money more than anything else and doesn't really believe in his own self-worth nor has enough dedications and discipline to make things work. 

The list goes on and on, which characteristic do you think you have? If you were like me, you would have all of them, because it is not hard to see that the characteristic of insecurity will manifest in every aspect of your life, whether you are more number 1,2 and less 3,4 or not, it is purely your personal style, but it root of confidence issue is the same.

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