Sunday, February 15, 2015

The truth about self confidence

Ever wonder how you can be more confident in yourself? Ever wonder how come some people just have rock solid confidence while you don't? Do you ever doubt yourself, criticize yourself or beat yourself down because you think you are not good enough? Trust me, I have been there. I have been very insecure, shy and judgmental when I was a child and I always wonder how come things happened to me the way it does. 

Like fish doesn't see water, a man doesn't see himself. It took me years and years of hard-work and receiving hard blows from life for me to gain better understanding about life, myself and the so-call self-confidence. Surprisingly, it is not that hard to become confident and you will one day realize (hopefully) that the true confidence is always within you, it never gets created nor destroyed. Only you choose to let it come out or cover it up.  

If you want to see examples of what I am talking about, take a look at your entire life or the lives around you. Are you always confident (or weak), or you are only confident during certain situations and not so confident in certain situations? What about your friends, your parents, your teacher or even your boss? 

The truth of the matter is that every psychologically normal person is the same way. We are confident sometimes and not so confident some other times. If you deem yourself lacking confidence, you are assigning an attribute to yourself, in order for this statement to be true, it has to be an attribute of yourself which is more permanent. Such attribute can be 'I am a male', 'I hate swimming', 'I am afraid of height', 'I am short', 'I am broke' and so on. If 'I am not confident' is an attribute like you mean to assign it to yourself, then you have to be 'not confident' throughout your day, regardless who you are dealing with and where you are until you fix 'I am not confident' however. Obviously, this is not true for most of us. Unlike 'I am fat', which is true throughout the time until you have to personally do something to not be fat, 'I am not confident' is not true all the time, it all depends on what the situation is.

Therefore, instead of telling yourself  'I am just not a confident person', you should rephrase it to something like this 'Somehow I don't feel confident being around Sally, My boss or police offers'. This conveys a very subtle message to your subconscious that you are not lacking confidence, you are not a less worthy person, you are just simply feeling nervous around certain situation and you will trust that you will get over with it later and you have seen countless examples of how people are nervous initially but loosen up once the ice is broken. 

Change the way of seeing yourself, the way you define yourself, everything else in your world starts to shift. 

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