Like I mentioned before, real self-confidence and false self-confidence feel the same but they are depended on different things. False confidence is entirely based on external things, while real confidence is based on internal qualities. So someone who's confidence is based on what he knows and what he can do, he will not be so confident when he runs into something he doesn't know or have never done before. He is likely not to venture out of his comfort zone. Someone with real confidence sees what he wants and go for it even if he has never done it before, he embraces failure because he tries and fail.
How are real confidence and false confidence playing out in your everyday life? Here are some good examples and it will make it clear for you when you recognize these situations.
Person A is a real estate agent, but he feels that his current broker is not able to help him, so he really wants to join broker B's company because he knows broker B is the top producing company in the area. It will be person A's dream to learn and get mentored by broker B personally. He researches broker B's website, looking for openings. He goes through the entire staff members of broker B and realizes that he may not have the qualification in terms of experiences to join the team. Everybody on the team are brokers themselves, some are even attorneys. All of them have been in this business for decades and they all look very shape with their profiles. Person A hesitates for a moment, he has self-doubts because he is still new in the real estate business. Looking at the phone number, what would person A do if he has real confidence? What would he do if he doesn't have real confidence?
If he doesn't have real confidence, he is most likely not going to call broker B. He will second guess his qualification and then contact a small local brokerage firm that he thinks he will be comfortable for. He might be missing out a great mentor-ship from broker B that will shortcut his success. He is probably thinking that broker B is too high-level and he is not ready for them. He is probably thinking to start with another small broker first, gain some sales and then hopefully will feel more confident about his real estate experience later on. Clearly, this type of thinking is common. We are hoping to gain confidence through what we know. In this case, person A's confidence is based entirely on what he have done, what he knows, what achievement certificates does he have. Obviously, he believes he is not qualified.
If person A has real confidence, which means his confidence is not based on what he has done externally in real estate business, but based on his ability to learn and improve with the right mentor-ship, what would he do instead? He really wants to join broker B's team and learn from the best in the area, all he has to do is ask. He recognizes his inexperience, but he is also fully confident because he knows he can learn, he has self-discipline, and most importantly, he has what it takes to become great with the right guidance. He will pick up the phone and contact broker B's office, he will recognize the great achievements that broker B's company achieved over the years, he will express his desire to work and learn from such a great company and he is genuinely inquiring the possibility of getting an internship. Broker B may or may not have something for him immediately but in the future, but at least he tried and you never know.
The outcome of both decisions may end up to be the same, that broker B doesn't have openings for person A. However, it is the attitude and outlook on things that will make the world of difference. With real confidence, person A will get great mentor-ship and start having success very soon, while person A with no confidence will likely remain in the same spot for years to come.
Now can you recognize anything in your life where you could've done entirely differently if you had (or didn't have) real self-confidence?
